Gaming Parodies

GP Interviews Jim Merrick!

2005-11-09T22:05:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah, GP's back! :D

GP recently got a chance to sit down with Nintendo of Europe’s Jim Merrick, and ask a few questions about Nintendo Revolution, and the Nintendo WiFi Connection due to launch next week.

GP: Welcome, Mr. Merrick, thank you for coming for this interview.

Merrick: Thank you for having me.

GP: So, with the Nintendo WiFi Connection launching next week, we still have a few questions about the service itself. How exactly does the “Friend Race” mode on Mario Kart DS work?

Merrick: Well, Nintendo has designed this online system to be as secure, and private as possible, so we have implemented into Mario Kart “Mystery Racing”. When you go into friend mode, if you and your friend have both entered each other’s friend code into your DS, you will be able to play against each other in Friend Mode. However, say one of your friends was to pretend to be a stalker, what would happen then?

Well, we’ve taken away that potential hazard by removing all chat features, and the ability to see which friend you’re playing against. You will have a match against a randomly chosen friend, but will have no idea which one you are playing against, making for a much safer online environment.

GP: Interesting, no doubt. What about the WiFi USB adaptor only being sold at Nintendo’s online store for the time being? What was the reasoning behind that decision?

Merrick: Well, the way we see it, the last time we tried an extra peripheral for a system was the GameCube Component Cables. Sales were terrible, and almost no one even knew they could use them.

GP: They were only sold online, and Nintendo removed the Digital Out from later model GameCubes…

Merrick: Regardless, sales were unsatisfactory, and we do not want to repeat that mistake.

GP: As for Revolution, when can we expect to see some work-in-progress screenshots, or videos?

Merrick: After the system is released. We cannot afford the chance of our competitors stealing from our screenshots, so we will wait to show off any of the titles for Revolution until after release.

GP: Wouldn’t that be financial suicide?

Merrick: Hardly. You see, the beauty here is, we will not launch the Revolution until the PS3 launches so that we can be sure Sony did not steal our controller idea. It’s only for precaution.

GP: Not surprising words, coming from Nintendo, but on a side note, how much longer will we be referring to Nintendo’s new system as “Revolution”? Surely that isn’t the final name?

Merrick: No, it is not the final name, but we cannot say what it will be called, or Sony and Microsoft might try to steal our innovative system name.

GP: You have to be kidding…

Merrick: Would you want someone to steal your system’s name?

GP: No, but….any ideas that you’ve thrown out that you could share with us?

Merrick: Well, at one point, we were considering calling it the “Nintendo Not an Entertainment Hub”, but we weren’t sure how catchy that would be with the public. Another popular idea was the “Nintendo Better than Sony”, but that basically left us with the “Nintendo BS”, and you can probably see why that one was thrown out.

GP: Point taken. Thank you for your time.

My thoughts on the REAL Nintendo interviews.

2005-09-16T12:56:00.000-07:00

:D

I recently saw two new interviews with Jim Merrick and Perrin Kaplan, and whether or not they are old, I'd rather not hear about it, I just want to discuss a few things about it.

"Q: Regarding the peripherals, has there been talk of price yet? The hobby is already becoming cost-prohibitive for many players, so the idea of having to purchase additional equipment to play certain games has many people concerned. How would you address their fears?

PK: Not yet, but again we aren’t really spending much time talking about the peripherals right now. As for price, I wouldn’t worry too much about that. Nintendo is focused on making the Revolution accessible to players, and the designers are keeping all of these concerns on their minds. We’ll release more information on the peripherals soon, but players really shouldn’t be concerned about price right now."

Well this is certainly good to hear. Perhaps certain peripherals can be included with certain new games. But at least they aren't going to be too expensive, which is always a good thing.

"Q: For our final question, because I know you are incredibly busy, is that with the four different colored lights on the controller signifying the player who is using the device, does this mean that the system will support a maximum of four players?

PK: What we are telling people right now is that four players can play on the Revolution, but what this means exactly we will unveil at a later time. We’ll have more information soon to come on this topic."

I find this comment quite interesting. Personally, I would not have even questioned the lights across the bottom. I just assumed they were to show which controller you had, and nothing else, but according to Kaplan, there's more to it than that. And it's coming soon ;)

"JM: Our official launch date is still 2006, and before we show the software, we want to make sure it's at a stage where you can understand exactly how it's going to work with the freehand-style controller - by actually playing the games. Without making a commitment, if I went to E3 2006 and didn't end up playing the Revolution, I'd be very disappointed... "

This certainly means the Revolution will be released AFTER E3, but that's really no surprise there. Good to hear that there will be playable Revolutions at E3 :) *wishes he could go*.

"Eurogamer: A lot of Nintendo's previous controller concepts have been adopted by your competitors. Are you worried they're going to nick this idea too?

Jim Merrick: "...Nintendo will aggressively protect its intellectual property."

It's good to hear they're taking this seriously. Apparently, if anyone tries to snag the idea, they'll at least try to take action this time.

"Eurogamer: How is the controller going to work with games that aren't designed specifically for the Revolution - multi-platform titles and so on?

Jim Merrick: We're producing a classic-style expansion controller, based on traditional designs like the Gamecube controller. It's like a shell with a hole in the top into which you slot the freehand-style controller, and then you can play third-party ported games, and retro Nintendo games you've downloaded.
So there's that option - but even while it's inserted into the classic-style shell, the freehand controller will still be able to sense positioning and so on, so there are more options too."

Well that clears that up. Third party ports are still going to be simple to pull off. This controller is like, the most ultimate customizable interface ever. O_o

"There are so many great new capabilities - the controller knows not only what you're pointing at, but exactly how far you are away from the TV, for example - and it's important that we get all these across."

I just thought this line was an interesting little factoid :P

"Eurogamer: Is the freehand-style controller your trump card, or have we got more exciting stuff to look forward to?

Jim Merrick: Let's just say we have more surprises in store."

All this, and there's still more in store. :)

I can't wait :D

EDIT: Forgot sources:

Perrin Kaplan interview

Jim Merrick Interview

Interview with Reggie Fils-Aime!

2005-09-12T18:56:00.000-07:00

GP: Good Evening, Mr. Fils-Aime. Would you care to make a dramatic entrance?

Fils-Aime:: You betcha! My name's Reggie, and I'm about kicking butt, and taking names!

GP: Whoa, what happened to your usual tagline?

Fils-Aime:: The darned FCC started a riot about it, then Jack Thompson started blabbering something about the deprivation of children in America, and yeah, it's a long story.

GP: I see...

Fils-Aime:: Anyway, what am I here for?

GP: The interview.

Fils-Aime:: Oh right, I guess that explains the roundtable and the questionnaire.

GP: Yeah, those tend to be dead giveaways.

Fils-Aime:: Anyway, let me read over this list...*under his breath* 1. Have Reggie take my boss's name, and ki-

GP: WHOA! WRONG list there, buddy. *quickly swaps papers*

Fils-Aime:: Oh, ok. *reads paper*

Questions about the Revolution's controller. Kind of anticlimactic, wouldn't you say?

GP: Have you got a better idea?

Fils-Aime:: Canasta?

GP: Not an option.

Fils-Aime:: Right. Well, as I'm sure you could have guessed, I'm really not authorized to give away any information about the controller at this time.

GP: Come on, you're like, he-man or something, don't tell me you're afraid of Miyamoto?

Fils-Aime:: You haven't seen his bodyguards, have you?

GP: ...point taken. I guess that's all we can get from that question, so let's mo - wait, Miyamoto has bodyguards?

Fils-Aime:: Yeah. It's one of those need-to-know kind of things.

GP: Guess it's true what they say that you learn something new every day, eh?

Fils-Aime:: Can we move on to the next question, please?

GP: Sure. How do you feel the Revolution will be able to compete, sales-wise?

Fils-Aime:: Well, we are confident that it will outsell the Virtual Boy by at least 3,000 units.

GP: Wow. That's quite an undertaking.

Fils-Aime:: What can I say? We're extremely confident.

GP:Well, looks like we're out of time, but thank you for the interview!

Darn it, I have no inspiration! O_o

2005-09-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

I can't think of anything to write about. *curses writers block*

If anyone that reads this has any ideas, feel free to drop me a PM, or leave a comment, cause I'm stumped.

No new interviews today!

2005-09-07T08:26:00.000-07:00

We had a problem with the toaster oven, and the cappucino machine has gone haywire. That and the fact that the three employees I never had came and resigned today. :(

Be back tomorrow though! :)

GP gets an exclusive with Jack Thompson!

2005-09-06T10:49:00.000-07:00

GP: Good morning, Mr. Thompson. Would you like some coffee before we start the interview?

Thompson: Don't mention that darn stuff, children might be listening!

GP: What are you talking about?

Thompson: Sorry, Grand Theft Auto on the brain.

GP: Right...So did you want some?

Thompson: Enough talking. It's me time. Time to boost my campaign.

GP: So what are your thoughts on the recent gaming scandals? The Sims 2 featuring full nudity, Nintendogs with the "Hot Biscuit" content, and Kirby Canvas Curse, which has the questionable content of "touching" Kirby?

Thompson: Yes, unfortunate that our children must have to bear all of this. Who knows what kind of psychological damage a game like Kirby: Canvas Curse could have on a child? Most likely, he/she will grow up to be a serial killer/pedophile in their later years. Quite unfortunate.

GP: Ok, what are your thoughts on ESRB changing the rating of San Andreas to "Adults Only"?

Thompson: As if that will help. Games like that should be banned! Now children can walk into their local adult store and just go in there and buy these titles with ease! No questions asked. And people wonder why we have such a high suicide rate these days.

GP: So, do you think any games could have a positive impact on a teenager's life?

Thompson: In very rare occasions, yes. There was one game on the internet that encouraged you to vote to re-elect your Senator, and I think games like that need more market share. Also, games such as Elmo Teaches Typing, and games based on educational skills, such as Interactive Multiplacation Tables, and Algebra Tutors.

GP: Well, thank you for the...interesting...Interview, Mr. Thompson.

Thompson: It was my pleasure. And for those reading, VOTE FOR HILARY IN 2008!!!

GP: No...just....no...

*fade to black*

GP interviews Ken Kutaragi

2005-09-05T08:08:00.000-07:00

GP: I'd like to thank you for coming down on this interview on such short notice, Ken.

Kutaragi: That's Mr. Electronics Guru to you.

GP: Right. Anyway, so what are your thoughts on the competitors to your newest gaming console, the Playstation 3?

Kutaragi: SHA! How dare you? We have not once referred to our entertainment device as a lowly "gaming" console, that is simply an insult!

GP: ...It plays games, doesn't it? What else can it do?

Kutaragi: It can also run Linux, watch movies and music, and connect to the internet.

GP: Basically, what every desktop computer has been doing for the past 20 years?

Kutaragi: This is an entirely new entertainment experience! Desktop PCs don't have Sony's brand name on them, therefore, they are inferior, don't bring them in as a comparison.

GP: Ok then...How do you see the early launch of the Xbox 360 affecting the Playstation line's dominance?

Kutaragi: Screw the 360! Our system is better, I don't give a darn if it's more expensive, people are going to work, and they're going to buy what we give them!

GP: That's assuming people will be willing to wait...

Kutaragi: When our system comes out, everyone will sell their Xbox 360s in anticipation for Gran Turismo 5.

GP: Ok. How about the Revolution?

Kutaragi: That will only happen once over 50 million of our consoles have sold. You see, there's a little electromagnetic brain wave device hidden in the PS3, and at the touch of a but-

GP: No, no, the NINTENDO Revolution!

Kutaragi: Whoops, that wasn't in the script...

GP: ...

Kutaragi: Anyway, the Revolution will suck because: Number 1, it doesn't have Sony's name on it, and number 2, their controllers aren't as cool as ours.

GP: They haven't shown the controller yet...

Kutaragi: What, you think they can outdo us?

GP: Well, I'd like to give them the benefit of a doubt.

Kutaragi: Guess what? I don't. In the end, everyone will see that the Playstation 3 is the system of choice for everyone. We're even going to be coming out with a bundle pack that includes a 3 year layaway plan as well.

GP: Thank you for your time.

"Interview" with Eiji Aonuma

2005-09-04T11:03:00.000-07:00

In a recent interview with the game's producer, Eiji Aonuma, we received some more interesting information on the latest rendition of the Zelda series, and more reasons to why it has been delayed.

GP: So what was the general reasoning behind the recent delay of Twilight Princess to Q2 06?

Aonuma: Well, to be honest, the development team was overworked, so we offered them a paid vacation to the Bahamas for 3 months.

GP: Seriously??

Aonuma: No. But maybe we should use that excuse in the future, it seemed to work this time.

GP:...

Aonuma: Right. Now anyway, where were we?

GP: The Twilight Princess delay...

Aonuma: Ah yes. Well, we've decided to add online multiplayer to the game, to sort of introduce the Nintendo WiFi connection to the Zelda demographic.

GP: You added multiplayer to a Zelda adventure title?

Aonuma: Yes. You see, one of the items you get early on in the game allows you to capture the essence of any animal that you see while traveling through the land of Hyrule. This "item" can only hold 10 essences before you must go to Hyrule Town, and visit the Card Shop.

GP: C..C...Card shop? You guys did not turn Zelda into a turn based card battling game, did you?

Aonuma: What do you think we are, crazy? It's real time.

GP: ...

Aonuma: Ok, apparently jokes aren't looked upon favorably in interviews. Anyway, in the card shop, you can pay a varied fee to transform the essences of the animals into trading cards. The amount of rupees it costs changes depending on the rarity of the animal, age of the animal, and other various factors. Once you have a collection of over 30 Animal Cards, you can take them to a special "Battle Chamber", in the back of the Card Shop. With this, you can connect with the GameCube WiFi Adapter, set to be released around the launch of Twilight Princess, and battle with others across the country! There will also be a Zelda bundle which includes this adapter, for $79.99.

GP: Thank you for your time.

Nintendo's Revolutionary Concepts Revealed!

2005-09-03T23:26:00.000-07:00

GP: So, in closing, is there any other information you feel you can give us about the mysterious "Revolution"?

Miyamoto: Well, I suppose it can't hurt now. *chuckles*. We intend to be the first company to take a step backwards in graphical capability! We've realized, through our many years of experience, that graphics have just become to complicated for the non-gamer. We felt there was much more interactivity while quietly bashing your forehead into the wall while playing the smooth-as-butter 30 Frames Per Second goodness that was the Nintendo 64. We believe it was the best console that we have ever created. Revolution will follow up on this concept.

GP: Don't you think this might anger some of your more hardcore fans?

Miyamoto: The way we see it is, we'll offer them something they can't refuse, like connectivity with the N64 to unlock new in-game items, it really helps the nostalgia factor. Besides, they'll buy it, no matter what we throw out there, so I can't say we're worried, no.

GP: Well, what about the controller? Isn't the controller supposed to be the "revolution" in your next home console?

Miyamoto: The controller? No. That was simply a ruse to divert suspicion from our other motives. The controllers are actually N64 controllers, with a retro style that looks suspiciously like the old Famicom controllers. They will also have removable faceplates for the fashion-conscious crowd.

GP: Thank you for your time, Mr. Miyamoto-san.